Are you ready?…...

If you’re reading this column, you’ve purchased a season pass to an extremely nerdy fantasy football website and openly embraced the madness, so you’re probably trying to watch all the games on Sunday. And I don’t mean “Hey, we should go to brunch at a restaurant with a TV so I can check the scores” kind of watching all the games. I’m talking about the…...

There’s a Bentley parked outside the door to our apartment…....

I had a lot to be thankful for, and I had a whole piece planned about Thanksgiving. It was going to be a meandering, free-flowing, think piece talking about the fun and fancy free life that we lead as fantasy football players, especially during the holiday of Thanksgiving where we will inevitably have a frustratingly large amount of money riding on an inconsequential player during what should…...

Oh, hey guy! I didn’t see you there. You shouldn’t sneak up on me, you’re so light on your feet. Since we’re coming up on the first anniversary (Paper!) of my first RotoViz column. I encourage you to check it out here, as I get a free year of RotoViz for every ten clicks I get. Only seven more until I’m set for 2016! Today I thought we’d take…...

I can totally do this. It seems too daunting to try, but I know that I can do this. I have toyed with this idea the entire season, and when will the opportunity arise again? It’s happening. I am going to write the most cliche fantasy advice column of all time. It’s going to have it all: Lists about what the column will contain!  One…...

Dreams are weird. It’s your unconscious vacillating between trying to make you feel like you’re on top of the world and having an unusual sexual encounter and falling down a well and in a building that’s wobbling because it’s so windy outside. My nightmares used to always be the same…....

My friends and I have a game where one of us will try to come up with a million dollar idea off the top of our head, and the rest of us will try to brainstorm a way to make it better, workshopping it until it’s something that we think would be appropriate to bring to Cubes and Daymond in The Tank; or, more often than not,…...

  I’ve got to admit something you guys. I have some flaws. Besides the residual odors that I leave on your couch, and my propensity to scratch myself in a public place when I think no ones looking, and my inability to use semicolons correctly; I’m a fairly narcissistic person. I feel extremely entitled to almost everything, I am hypocritical, and I find myself thinking…...

You guys, I’m not going to lie.  Coming up with column ideas week after week is hard. Super hard. Harder than-…...

I’d like to preface these next few paragraphs by saying that I love my dog. Did she chew through my computer cord literally while I was in the middle of this piece? Yes. Did she spend most of the afternoon trying to pry open the cabinet where we keep her food? Yes. Did I take her on a twenty minute walk in the rain where she…...

Oh, fantasy football. Just when you start to think you’re smart, you have a tough decision to make and you agonize over it all week, pouring over statistics and injury reports, and in a week where you absolutely can not start 0-3 (NOT IN A WORK LEAGUE WITH TED FROM ACCOUNTING FUCK THAT GUY), your entire week can come down to a decision between Chris…...

We all hope to have perks at our jobs. When you work for a hotel, you get discounted rooms. Sometimes you get upgraded to a suite. When you work at an office downtown, maybe you have a great view. Sometimes Ted From Accounting brings in donuts on Fridays. When you work at Chick-Fil-A, you get all the waffle fries you can eat. Sometimes they make…...

So here we are. Week 1 is in the books, and I am completely out of ideas. I was procrastinating with authority, watching both The Mindy Project AND Difficult People, when I realized that not only was I EXACTLY what Hulu was looking for, a guy who had both just graduated from the coveted 18-34 demographic and has no brand loyalty, but I was settling…...

Finally. FINALLY. The long wait is over. Our national nightmare has ended. There was a football game last night. There were yards gained, and touchdowns touched, hell, Lev & Martavis probably passed a blunt on the sidelines…....

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Hey, RotoViz. I’ve been thinking about how we could get some more eyeballs and sweet, sweet clicks on these posts, and I decided that I’d drop some serious fantasy football knowledge, because I’ve been watching tape, studying stats, and making useful charts and graphs all night long. Be prepared to read an excruciatingly long diatribe detailing the lack of moves on the Tampa Bay offensive…...

From The Editors: We recently hired Josh Klein to write a weekly Friday column which was light on statistics, medium on advice, heavy on nonsense, and heavier on terrible jokes which would make our incredibly smart and easily cajoled readers roll their collective eyes. So far, he’s wasted almost three thousand words over two columns and recommended one player; we are pretty sure it’s Titans QB…...

There used to be a time when you could get a leg up on the competition. There used to be a time when you could study tape, you could read training camp reports, you could do your own projections and scout coaching. Hell, you could even go to camp and come back with information on how often the hot new rookie wide receiver was being targeted by the…...

Editor’s note: I met Josh Klein during the Grantland Fantasy Island competition in 2012. My recollection of Josh from that contest is that each week he would try to sneak in variants of the joke “dries up like Michelle Pfeiffer’s box office draw.” Since the Fantasy Island competition Josh has gone on to write for BroJackson.com where as far as I can tell his writing has…...