If it’s clear and yella, you’ve got juice there fella. If it’s tangy and brown, you’re in cider town.  — Ned Flanders (Burns, Baby Burns) Despite writing the column last week and morale improving, the beatings in my fantasy matchups continued. If I have to suffer through another week of awful defeats, my mission will be clear: find and kill the fantasy gods…. Membership Required...

I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff. — Ned Flanders (Hurricane Neddy) I can’t believe we’re a third of the way through the season, and I’ve only missed one column! As retribution, the fantasy gods punished me heavily this week, ensuring all my good teams suffered humiliating defeats…. Membership Required You must be a member to access...

All this drinking, violence, destruction of property — are these the things we think of when we think of the Irish? — Kent Brockman (Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment) Another week of NFL action is almost in the books. But first, we have a fun Monday Night Football double header on tap! Let’s hope for more fireworks this evening. … Membership Required You must be a...