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Diary of High Stakes Virgins: Recap of the Week

Things are not going great for Team Fantasyland. I mean, Fantasyland itself is doing great. We just dropped a new episode about a fantasy league of Iraqi War Veterans which you should totally check out. But Team Fantasyland in the FFPC is a half-drowned rat seeking refuge in a dumpster fire.

But that’s not going to deter us from cataloging our journey to to the dumpster. For this week’s article Pete and I are going to take turns recapping what we saw on Sunday and briefly touch on our waiver strategy.

Team Recap

QB: Joe Flacco

We actually nailed QB this week as Joe Flacco put up 27 points, while our opponent only had 17 with Carson Palmer. We’re gonna roll with Flacco for one more week against Washington. – Pat

RB: Jeremy Hill ; Dwayne Washington

I watched the JonBenét Ramsey docuseries on CBS recently because you can’t turn your TV on in 2016 without having another true crime show shoved down your throats. Thanks, Serial. Anyways, the three-part series was hilariously overproduced. It made Dateline look like FRONTLINE on PBS in comparison. At one point they tasered a volunteer on camera–TWICE–to try to prove a theory regarding a stun gun. I couldn’t stop laughing as I tried to imagine what kind of person would subject themselves to that kind of torture and humiliation.

Dwayne Washington, who we spent nearly half our FAAB budget on last week, had two rushing attempts before leaving the game with an ankle injury. This week we are starting Jalen Richard in a contest where the first place prize is $250,000. – Peter

WR: Allen Robinson ; Amari Cooper ; Stefon Diggs

That was a curious way to recap our RBs, but I guess you go got there. Anyway, let’s move on to WRs. This is supposed be be the strength of our team, and with Watkins now on IR and Jordan Matthews on bye, we really needed some big performances from these guys. Allen Robinson came through with a solid day, but Amari Cooper and Stefon Diggs  disappointed again. We’ll look to add at WR where we can but as Pete mentions, the real priority is RB. – Pat

TE: Delaine Walker ; Eric Ebron

In the new HBO show Westworld, human visitors are able to act out Wild West fantasies in a simulated amusement park filled with android hosts. I thought the pilot was very well done. At various points in the episode, a few of the androids appear to malfunction and go “off script.” The creators essentially have to pause the simulation and repair them before they are able to re-enter the park and interact with the visitors again.

Delaine Walker had 2 receptions for 34 yards against the Texans. Eric Ebron had 4 receptions for 42 yards against the Bears. – Peter

Side Bar

Ok dude, that was clearly just a recap of Westworld, which to be fair was pretty awesome. Did you see the scenes from the “episodes to come”? First of all, I love that they teased the entire season rather than just episode two, but whoa! Like, when the host wakes up and–OH GOD NOW I’M DOING IT! Ok man, I know that this was a tough week, but please, no more escapism from our escapist hobby. Just a straight recap of Kicker and Defense, please. – Pat

K/DEF: Blair Walsh ; Bengals

Fine. After missing another field goal this week, Blair Walsh told reporters: “Being in the NFL, you’ve got to make kicks. That’s part of your job.

But did you see the new season of SNL premiered last Saturday? Margot Robbie was the host and the staff did a great job of writing sketches that continuously reminded the viewers that Margot Robbie is very attractive. People forget that. – Peter

Waivers Adds

RB Add: Andre Ellington

Great write up there, Pete. Way to stay on message. Let’s move on to waivers, where we snagged Andre Ellington on the cheap. We need upside at RB and with Chris Johnson on IR, Ellington would be heavily involved if David Johnson were to miss time. And Johnson’s usage suggests that is a real possibility. We also need start-able RBs with standalone value, and Ellington isn’t that, but the waiver wire is quite thin at RB at the moment. -Pat

Streaming Defense: Tennessee Titans

For some reason, my wife and I still watch Shark Tank. I like to play a game where I pause the DVR about 5 seconds into a pitch and predict whether they will get a deal done based solely off of tone and body language . My wife hates that I do this, but I’m right at least 60% of the time.

We dropped the Bengals D for the Titans. – Peter

Conclusion

Cool man. Well, there you have it. Hopefully we’ll get back on track this week. I’m feeling pretty optimistic to tell the truth. I mean Matthews gets Detroit and Cooper gets SD with a banged up Jason Verrett. Those two could be in for big weeks. We just can’t have any huge performance from our opponent… annnd oh boy… he has Larry Fitzgerald. Welp. See you next week.

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