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Diary of High-Stakes Virgins: It’s Charc Week

The good news: We won again last week! We’re now 3-5 on the season.

The bad news: Jacquizz Rodgers got hurt.

Now, you may be thinking: Jacquizz Rodgers? Why, he’s just a RB fill in, he can’t have a meaningful impact on your team. To which I say two things. First, thanks for checking out our article series for the first time. And second, this is something I actually wrote last week:

Sometimes I let myself dream. I dream that our team comes alive over these final four weeks and scores enough points to make the playoffs. I let myself do this because “we have some hope at RB now.” Our best RB is Jacquizz Rodgers.

But wait! There’s still hope! Because we landed Charcandrick “Charcnado Charizard Charmin Ultra Soft” West on waivers this week!1 That’s right baby, with “Chalkandrick” West holding down our RB1 spot we’re still in the hunt.

And don’t just take our word for it, hear it straight from the Charc’s mouth:

When Charc is talking to the camera there, it’s as if he’s speaking directly at Team Fantasyland:

“What’s up #FantasylandKingdom? I know everyone’s a little bit on edge about being 3-5, Jacquizz is out, Hill is on bye, but hey, we got myself, we got Chris Ivory 2, we got Mike Davis. We got two great managers in Pat and Pete…and we are going to be okay.” *two thumbs up*

In the same way Charc is trying to convince #ChiefsKingdom that Bishop Sankey and some dude named Anthony Sherman is cause for optimism, so must we convince ourselves that we have a chance at not only winning this week, but running the table and improbably crashing the playoffs (Live look at Pete and Pat right now).

Last time we pushed our chips all in on a waiver pick, Dwayne Washington happened. But this feels different. This is Charc Week.

So sure, running the table to go 6-5 and winning passing like 5 team in total points may seem improbablye but think about it this way: Hundreds of years ago, before we had accurate maps, barely understood the planet we lived on, and hardly played fantasy football, men told stories about the horrible monsters that lived in the sea. Monsters that would swallow you whole and drag you to a watery grave. Now imagine how improbable it would have seemed to those men that hundreds of years into the future, humankind would gather around glowing color boxes for “Shark week” a celebration of those very monsters for being scary as hell. Well this is our Charc week. A tribute to the fact that improbable does not equal impossible. Plus, having Charcandrick West as your clear cut RB1 is also scary as hell.

  1. Fun fact, Charcandrick West has multiple nicknames from those who actually know him, but they of don’t involve his first name. His Grandmother nicknamed him “Moosey” at birth because he was a 9 pound Moose baby and Andy Reid dubbed him “Tidget”, for “tall midget”. Andy Reid is an actual NFL coach.  (back)
  2. seriously, we are starting Chris Ivory this week, though maybe we should consider Paul Perkins??  (back)

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