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Bracket Busting: Living that Zero RB Life

Your running backs suck.

That’s the harsh reality Zero RB drafters often have to deal with through the first few weeks of the season. Sometimes you get lucky and those late RBs you drafted are usable right away during the season. Other times, it may take several weeks and some waiver wire churn before you have usable players to fill your two RB slots. It’s times like those that try men’s souls, when you’re watching the “late-round gem” you cleverly snagged touch the ball six times and get you 3 PPR points while the guy you’re going against has Christian McCaffrey dropping a 40-burger on you.

Well, we’re not as bad as all that because we got David Johnson in the first, but RB2 is still a problem.

What do you mean, “that’s not real Zero RB, you don’t get to complain!”? Look, we’re all in this together here guys, no need for purity tests. Even the creator of Zero RB is advocating for a modified Zero RB approach. It’s 2019, get with the times!

So for Week 1 we opted to roll with my rogue seventh-round pick, Kenyan Drake, as our RB2.

Glad I went out on a limb for you there buddy. Monty is probably reviewing the draft board as I type this, looking at all the other players I could’ve drafted in that spot and throwing up in his mouth a little.

Then came Week 2. Ronald Jones looked electric in Week 1, so he was primed for a huge game on Thursday Night Football, right? Primetime baby, let’s go get it!

Welp, not so much. This is Jones’ second year in the league, and FFPC didn’t even consider it necessary to have a picture for him. Or maybe they do and he just went into hiding after murdering all the owners who started him. We may never know for sure.

So that brings us to Week 3. It’s impossible to trust Jones until he proves that he’s over the toe injury that took him out of his game last week. We also have Rashaad Penny who showed some life in Week 2 after Chris Carson mixed up his can of Stickum with his can of WD-40 and put the ball on the ground twice versus the Steelers. And then there’s Drake, who faced two of the best defenses in the league in his first two games, but has a matchup against a Cowboys team that has been burned by pass-catching RBs in the past.

It’s a tough decision between Penny and Drake for me, but that’s the benefit of having an experienced co-owner. I can rely on Monty, a grizzled veteran of hundreds of fantasy leagues with razor-sharp instincts and a deep understanding of what it takes to win, to share his wisdom and guide us down the right path.

Bam, that’s the kind of confidence that you can only get from years of high-stakes competition. Of course we wouldn’t be in this position if I had just drafted an RB who’s actually good, but that’s beside the point.

Drake could even end up in a better situation later in the season, with trade rumors coming from a team that is clearly having a dumpster-fire-sale. For whatever reason, despite obviously being the most talented RB on his team, Drake has yet to garner a huge share of the work with the previous coaching staff or the current one. One local Miami reporter suggests that the Dolphins don’t like his improvisational style of play:

The main complaint about Drake, who multiple reports say was being discussed in trades talks this past week, is that he deviates from the script too often and freestyles too much. The controlling nature that fuels NFL coaches frowns on that unless your name is Barry Sanders.

I mean, does it matter if he freestyles if it’s clearly working? Do they want him to not score poi…. wait a minute…

Brian Flores: Kenyan, we’re going to need you to stick to the script here.

Drake: But coach, when I stick to the script we don’t gain any yards.

Flores: Yes Kenyan. ThatsThePoint dot gif.

Drake: Did you just say “dot gif” out loud in a conversation?

Flores: You heard me. Now stop trying to score, we have 14 more games to lose.

Yeah, that would actually explain a lot.


Despite having one of the lowest scores in the league Week 2, we managed to face a team that sucked even worse. This hilariously resulted in us somehow being alone in first place as the only team with two victories.

Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.

And we may need all the luck we can get heading into Week 3, as we had another TNF disaster to start our matchup.

Please, just cancel Thursday nights already.

Image Credit: Zach Bolinger/Icon Sportswire. Pictured: Kenyan Drake.

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