From the hosts of the critically acclaimed podcast The Solis Report — the No. 1 late-night show in fantasy — comes a weekly column, chopping up the week’s news and talkin’ a few trades.
John
Been a while, remind me how we usually get started here?
Devin
Well, first thing I do is I load up Matthew Berry’s “Fantasy Life” article (penned by our pal Pete Overzet) and see if there’s any content to steal.
John
Hey, careful! Berry might call you out for something like that — the last guy on his “don’t be that guy” segment has to box the Counselor soon.
Devin
Berry just unblocked me after a decade in the doghouse. I am not crossing that man again for at LEAST a month or two.
John
Happy holidays, folks! We’ve got a new show! A new show this weekend, hope you’ll check it out. We got everyone’s favorite ‘ship chaser, Pat Kerrane! Special guest Davis Mattek joins us to “proselytize” for the blockchain.
And we got a few jokes.
John
Speaking of Pat and Pete, prayers up for their FFPC Main Event team. They are in contention, but had a rocky beginning to Week 15. They started Keenan Allen this week after he yelled “Don’t sit me!” to the cameras before the game, but he left with just one catch.
Devin
It’s been a very rough couple weeks for listening to players on their availability. Fortunately for them, their main FFPC opponent has Patrick Mahomes, who went on Instagram to announce that he would be missing several series in the fourth quarter to take a dump.
John
That’s what I call a Friday news dump!
Devin
Hey John, remember when the Lonely Island did that YOLO song, where it recast YOLO as a paranoid warning to never go outside because you only live once and need to be safety conscious to the point of paralysis? Anyway, cool how everything is shaping up this year! Not sure why I thought of that!
John
Heyyyooooooo! ?
Dev, I don’t mean to get political, but do you know what Spanish-speaking Pete Buttigieg fans call him?
Devin
No, what?
John
Mejor Pete!
Devin
Isn’t he the fifth Beatle?
John
Huh?
Moving on, Dev, did you do one of those Elf on a Shelf memes this year?
Devin
I did, had to get in on the fun. What do you think of this one?
you've heard of elf on a shelf, get ready for https://t.co/GzHIGNuBAu pic.twitter.com/RRbxJo3sGc
— devin mcintyre (@devinmci) December 18, 2020
John
Icabod on a kicker pod. Jesus Christ.
Devin
You’re welcome, folks. It’s the season of giving.
John
Speaking of the season of giving, the Cleveland Browns are giving away more points than they are scoring this year, yet are somehow 9-4.
Devin
Pythagoras is rolling over in his grave!
John
Huh?
Devin
Pythagorean Wins, John. But actually, Pythagoras was a huge Browns fan. I believe he was alive the last time they had a winning season. He’s loving the Baker bounceback.
Devin
John, it’s a wide receiver nightmare in Houston. I don’t know how Deshaun Watson is coping. They’ve got Jordan Akins and Steven Mitchell leading the team in targets. I thought that guy owned a line of hair salon products.
John
Will Fuller suspended, Brandin Cooks out, Randall Cobb out. Cobb says he has a neck injury, but I think he is actually recovering from a ridiculous twitter burn. Expected back in 2-3 weeks.
why is this randall cobb though? https://t.co/9yiKHNlbxJ
— devin mcintyre (@devinmci) December 17, 2020
John
Settle a bet for me, is Home Alone 2: Lost in New York a Christmas movie? I just watched it again last night, and I’m convinced that it is.
while im tired of having this argument every year, i stand stubborn: pic.twitter.com/nRe8OP01Ig
— ?❄️??? (@SolisReport) December 18, 2020
Devin
Of course it is, John. Is this even a debate? Every Macaulay Culkin movie is a Christmas movie. But enough nonsense, let’s move on to:
The McIntyre Report
Devin
Welcome back to the McIntyre Report. Your trade deadline has almost certainly passed, but it’s the time of year to start dropping guys like Adam Humphries from your dynasty rosters in favor of younger prospects that could take a big jump in value next spring and summer. Let’s take a look at a few of my must stashes.
