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John Solis
John Solis used to believe in the San Diego Chargers. Now he doesn't believe in anything.
Author Archive
In-Season Articles
In-Season Articles
The Solis Report, Pre-Draft Special Part II: An Idiot’s Guide to the 2019 Rookie Class, 1.01-1.12
John Solis
April 22, 2019
Man, I feel like one of those guys on “House Surgery” or “House Eye for the House Guy” because I look around RotoViz today and it’s unrecognizable! Have you clicked some of these links? This site is a straight up stunner. They used to say Steve Jobs’ brilliance was in showing you what you didn’t even realize you desperately needed. It almost makes me want to write in a way that is more beautiful, too. My folks tried to instill this idea that a clean room represents a clean brain, and I’d be better at homework and maybe better in…...
The Solis Report: Pre-Draft Special
John Solis
April 3, 2019
These days, I’m not sleeping well. Every time I close my eyes a certain number burns bright against the red-black darkness of my inner eyelids. I wake up exhausted and drag myself as if underwater to the bathroom, little more than a spectator in my own life. Beneath the white noise of the shower, a low and sinister whisper: “32 Jokes™.” I shake my head and the thought spills out of my ears and gets lost in the thick pile fleece of the bathroom mat. I squint and rub my eyes and fumble for the litany of cat allergy medicines before…...
The Butt Fumble Week 2: Having Fun With Fantasy
John Solis
September 20, 2017
Welcome back, dear reader…....
The Freedman Report Week 15: Cam Newton Wishes on a Monkey’s Paw
John Solis
December 22, 2016
Ah, your season is over. You look back and count your mistakes. You start gearing up for the 2017 draft, even though Nick Chubb and Royce Freeman are no longer going to be a part of it. Ugh. You’re depressed, now. Denny Carter starts making sense. And yet, shimmering in the distance: 32 jokes that never cared whether you won or lost in the first place. An article unburdened by logic, reason, or actionability. Purpose. Hope. Let’s go…....
The Freedman Report Week 14: Jeff Fisher’s Bittersweet Fadeaway Set to Sarah McLachlan
John Solis
December 15, 2016
I went to San Diego State University, so I’m always calling him “Steve” Fisher in my head. Charlie Kleinheksel has had to fix it for me once or twice; sometimes I don’t catch it myself…....
The Freedman Report Week 12: Westworld
John Solis
December 3, 2016
[Like so many wild horses, spoilers roam freely here. If such unpleasant business gets you a bit namby-pamby, kindly skedaddle and thanks for the click.]…...
The Freedman Report Week 10: AND CHRISTINE MICHAEL’S DYNASTY STOCK COMES ROARING BACK TO LIFE!
John Solis
November 17, 2016
We in the cult of Christine Michael will take advantage of almost any opportunity to talk about him. But, he already had his own special edition of the Freedman Report after Week 3, so I’m going to make sure I cover some of the other happenings from Week 10…....
The Freedman Report Week 9: Mike Evans for President and Something Sinister in Seattle
John Solis
November 10, 2016
Earlier this week, I wasted minutes of my life photoshopping Hillary’s head onto Christine Michael’s body. You know the one; the star-spangled jumpsuit, gold chains, and mismatched designer sneakers. It wasn’t my best work, but neither is this column. Time for some jokes…....
The Freedman Report Week 8: Silver, Black, and the Best Thing I Ever Did
John Solis
November 3, 2016
To quote basically everyone, I was “on BYE” last week. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that on my own. Well-rested though I am, it’s also probably going to be the cleverest joke this week. Welcome to the Freedman Report: Expect nothing; get less…....
The Freedman Report Week 6: Lamar Miller Coughs Into His Fist, Odell Beckham Jr. Jumps the Shark, and Other Tales
John Solis
October 21, 2016
Man, I can’t believe the Chargers won. It’s been a non-stop celebration since last Thursday. I’m not even sure I remember any of the games except that one. But, as Maggie says, “You don’t even need to watch the games to write this column. Nothing needs to happen at all.” San Diego Chargers If this team was going to win even once more before San Diego votes on a new Charger stadium, you’d want it to be against the Denver Broncos. Denver Broncos This was an ugly, borderline humiliating loss. Everyone, and I mean everyone comes back from a fourth-quarter deficit…...
The Solis Report, Pre-Draft Special Part II: An Idiot’s Guide to the 2019 Rookie Class, 1.01-1.12
John Solis
April 22, 2019
Man, I feel like one of those guys on “House Surgery” or “House Eye for the House Guy” because I look around RotoViz today and it’s unrecognizable! Have you clicked some of these links? This site is a straight up stunner. They used to say Steve Jobs’ brilliance was in showing you what you didn’t even realize you desperately needed. It almost makes me want to write in a way that is more beautiful, too. My folks tried to instill this idea that a clean room represents a clean brain, and I’d be better at homework and maybe better in…...
The Solis Report: Pre-Draft Special
John Solis
April 3, 2019
These days, I’m not sleeping well. Every time I close my eyes a certain number burns bright against the red-black darkness of my inner eyelids. I wake up exhausted and drag myself as if underwater to the bathroom, little more than a spectator in my own life. Beneath the white noise of the shower, a low and sinister whisper: “32 Jokes™.” I shake my head and the thought spills out of my ears and gets lost in the thick pile fleece of the bathroom mat. I squint and rub my eyes and fumble for the litany of cat allergy medicines before…...
The Butt Fumble Week 2: Having Fun With Fantasy
John Solis
September 20, 2017
Welcome back, dear reader…....
The Freedman Report Week 15: Cam Newton Wishes on a Monkey’s Paw
John Solis
December 22, 2016
Ah, your season is over. You look back and count your mistakes. You start gearing up for the 2017 draft, even though Nick Chubb and Royce Freeman are no longer going to be a part of it. Ugh. You’re depressed, now. Denny Carter starts making sense. And yet, shimmering in the distance: 32 jokes that never cared whether you won or lost in the first place. An article unburdened by logic, reason, or actionability. Purpose. Hope. Let’s go…....
The Freedman Report Week 14: Jeff Fisher’s Bittersweet Fadeaway Set to Sarah McLachlan
John Solis
December 15, 2016
I went to San Diego State University, so I’m always calling him “Steve” Fisher in my head. Charlie Kleinheksel has had to fix it for me once or twice; sometimes I don’t catch it myself…....
The Freedman Report Week 12: Westworld
John Solis
December 3, 2016
[Like so many wild horses, spoilers roam freely here. If such unpleasant business gets you a bit namby-pamby, kindly skedaddle and thanks for the click.]…...
The Freedman Report Week 10: AND CHRISTINE MICHAEL’S DYNASTY STOCK COMES ROARING BACK TO LIFE!
John Solis
November 17, 2016
We in the cult of Christine Michael will take advantage of almost any opportunity to talk about him. But, he already had his own special edition of the Freedman Report after Week 3, so I’m going to make sure I cover some of the other happenings from Week 10…....
The Freedman Report Week 9: Mike Evans for President and Something Sinister in Seattle
John Solis
November 10, 2016
Earlier this week, I wasted minutes of my life photoshopping Hillary’s head onto Christine Michael’s body. You know the one; the star-spangled jumpsuit, gold chains, and mismatched designer sneakers. It wasn’t my best work, but neither is this column. Time for some jokes…....
The Freedman Report Week 8: Silver, Black, and the Best Thing I Ever Did
John Solis
November 3, 2016
To quote basically everyone, I was “on BYE” last week. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that on my own. Well-rested though I am, it’s also probably going to be the cleverest joke this week. Welcome to the Freedman Report: Expect nothing; get less…....
The Freedman Report Week 6: Lamar Miller Coughs Into His Fist, Odell Beckham Jr. Jumps the Shark, and Other Tales
John Solis
October 21, 2016
Man, I can’t believe the Chargers won. It’s been a non-stop celebration since last Thursday. I’m not even sure I remember any of the games except that one. But, as Maggie says, “You don’t even need to watch the games to write this column. Nothing needs to happen at all.” San Diego Chargers If this team was going to win even once more before San Diego votes on a new Charger stadium, you’d want it to be against the Denver Broncos. Denver Broncos This was an ugly, borderline humiliating loss. Everyone, and I mean everyone comes back from a fourth-quarter deficit…...
The Solis Report, Pre-Draft Special Part II: An Idiot’s Guide to the 2019 Rookie Class, 1.01-1.12
John Solis
April 22, 2019
Man, I feel like one of those guys on “House Surgery” or “House Eye for the House Guy” because I look around RotoViz today and it’s unrecognizable! Have you clicked some of these links? This site is a straight up stunner. They used to say Steve Jobs’ brilliance was in…...
The Solis Report: Pre-Draft Special
John Solis
April 3, 2019
These days, I’m not sleeping well. Every time I close my eyes a certain number burns bright against the red-black darkness of my inner eyelids. I wake up exhausted and drag myself as if underwater to the bathroom, little more than a spectator in my own life. Beneath the white…...
The Butt Fumble Week 2: Having Fun With Fantasy
John Solis
September 20, 2017
Welcome back, dear reader…....
The Freedman Report Week 15: Cam Newton Wishes on a Monkey’s Paw
John Solis
December 22, 2016
Ah, your season is over. You look back and count your mistakes. You start gearing up for the 2017 draft, even though Nick Chubb and Royce Freeman are no longer going to be a part of it. Ugh. You’re depressed, now. Denny Carter starts making sense. And yet, shimmering in the…...
The Freedman Report Week 14: Jeff Fisher’s Bittersweet Fadeaway Set to Sarah McLachlan
John Solis
December 15, 2016
I went to San Diego State University, so I’m always calling him “Steve” Fisher in my head. Charlie Kleinheksel has had to fix it for me once or twice; sometimes I don’t catch it myself…....
The Freedman Report Week 12: Westworld
John Solis
December 3, 2016
[Like so many wild horses, spoilers roam freely here. If such unpleasant business gets you a bit namby-pamby, kindly skedaddle and thanks for the click.]…...
The Freedman Report Week 10: AND CHRISTINE MICHAEL’S DYNASTY STOCK COMES ROARING BACK TO LIFE!
John Solis
November 17, 2016
We in the cult of Christine Michael will take advantage of almost any opportunity to talk about him. But, he already had his own special edition of the Freedman Report after Week 3, so I’m going to make sure I cover some of the other happenings from Week 10…....
The Freedman Report Week 9: Mike Evans for President and Something Sinister in Seattle
John Solis
November 10, 2016
Earlier this week, I wasted minutes of my life photoshopping Hillary’s head onto Christine Michael’s body. You know the one; the star-spangled jumpsuit, gold chains, and mismatched designer sneakers. It wasn’t my best work, but neither is this column. Time for some jokes…....
The Freedman Report Week 8: Silver, Black, and the Best Thing I Ever Did
John Solis
November 3, 2016
To quote basically everyone, I was “on BYE” last week. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that on my own. Well-rested though I am, it’s also probably going to be the cleverest joke this week. Welcome to the Freedman Report: Expect nothing; get less…....
The Freedman Report Week 6: Lamar Miller Coughs Into His Fist, Odell Beckham Jr. Jumps the Shark, and Other Tales
John Solis
October 21, 2016
Man, I can’t believe the Chargers won. It’s been a non-stop celebration since last Thursday. I’m not even sure I remember any of the games except that one. But, as Maggie says, “You don’t even need to watch the games to write this column. Nothing needs to happen at all.”…...
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