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High Staked: My Dad Laughed at the Absurdity of My Fantasy Football Angst and He Was Right To Do So

Veteran high stakes fantasy football player Monty Phan chronicles his season.

Like it is for a lot of people, the person most responsible for getting me into football is my dad. There is an infamous story in my family about the time when my mom needed to be taken to the hospital to give birth to my younger sister in 1979 and my dad tried to put it off as long as possible because Monday Night Football was on.

My dad lives with me and my family now, and you could say that if he’s the Dr. Frankenstein of football-watching, then I am his out-of-control monster. I worship at the altar of the Red Zone Channel, with its non-stop, commercial-free action and constant switching between games. Since that’s not enough, I also monitor play-by-play on my phone, so I can track players in real time. Sometimes Red Zone will put four games on the screen at once, and my dad will get overwhelmed and will wander back to his room, where he’s watching only one game, which he paused during the entirety of his lunch, even though Red Zone already spoiled any big plays that happened while his game was paused. This is why, in my house, under my roof, we don’t pause NFL games, Old Man!

He does like to ask me about fantasy, though. Last night, during the Browns-Rams game, when Baker Mayfield was on screen, he asked me, “Is he one of your guys?”

Me: “Yes.”

My dad: “How about Jared Goff?”

Me: “Yes, but I’m also playing against him. So I need him to do well, but not that well.”

My dad laughed and shook his head.

He should laugh. It’s absurd. My 10-year-old son and I have Goff on an FFPC team we drafted together, so I wanted Goff to do well so that my son would be happy. However, I also have a Main Event team with a very slim lead that was playing against Goff, so I wanted him to do poorly so that I would be happy.

Not only that, but I had Odell Beckham either on my team or playing against me, and with every catch he made, I went through the mental math, trying to figure out how it helped and how it hurt me. His last catch of the night – a 19-yarder with under 12 minutes left in the game – left me too short to win one game, but was just enough for my opponent to beat me in another.

Like I said, it’s absurd.

However, the three high-stakes FFPC teams that I share with three friends are about to go 3-0 for the second straight week. Goff’s late interception helped us secure a win in one Main Event league, where we survived Mike Evans’ three-TD onslaught. Assuming Tarik Cohen and Adrian Peterson fail to achieve career-bests on Monday night, we’ll win our other two as well – despite benching Russell Wilson in one league and Darren Waller in the other.

Finally, one tidbit worth mentioning: The Cardinals defense gave up 6 receptions for 75 yards and two touchdowns to Greg Olsen on Sunday, after getting burned by T.J. Hockenson for 6-131-1 in Week 1 and letting Mark Andrews go for 8-112-1 last week.

If Will Dissly is somehow still available on waivers in your league, you should make him a priority to grab him, but also look for either Tyler Eifert or C.J. Uzomah while you’re at it as “what the heck” flyers you might be able to stash for cheap.

Image Credit: Jordon Kelly/Icon Sportswire. Pictured: Jared Goff.

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